More Than a Survivor

“Oh! I know who you are!” the pastor of a local church snapped his fingers as he placed me. “You’re that stripper!”

I cocked my head in bewilderment at the absurdity of this statement.  I’m that stripper?

“Ummm no” my friend Cody piped in firmly.  Then he graciously stepped in and took command of the conversation, relieving me of having to continue to engage with him.

His wife, Ashley, one of my best friends, had set up this roundtable meeting so that local leaders, pastors, educators and law enforcement could discuss how to best address the felt needs of the people in the Mid-Wilshire area of Los Angeles. I walked into that room as a community leader with over a decade of experience in leading a non-profit.  The holder of a master’s degree in Social Welfare, a wife, a mother, a writer, a public speaker… and the beloved daughter of an extraordinarily loving Father.

In one sentence, the pastor managed to reduce my identity to a snapshot of a time from my past. Had I been a stripper? Yes.  More specifically, a survivor of sexual exploitation.  But that was not my true identity then, and it certainly isn’t my identity now.  I have lived a lot of life since leaving that life. I spend a lot of time sharing my story in hopes that it will encourage and inspire others.  I am not ashamed of my past.  Nor am I defined by it.

I am more than a survivor. And so are you.

Most of us have had to survive something in our lives.   Whether it’s a history of abuse and exploitation, grief and loss, or even just the awkward and hormonally charged atrocities of middle school, we are all survivors of something.  I am assuming that most of us have managed to separate ourselves from our past as awkward, hormonal teenagers.  But there are other histories that are a little harder to shake.

We are more than the trauma we have had to overcome.  We are more than the work we do or the roles we play in the lives of the people we love. We are multi-faceted, wondrously complex humans with hopes and dreams, desires and longings.   We are hand-crafted masterpieces; living, breathing works of art!  May we learn to love, embrace and know ourselves, wholly and fully.

IDEAS FOR GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF

ASK YOURSELF SOME QUESTIONS

1. What activities bring you the most joy? How can you make more time in your schedule for them?
2. If a relationship or circumstance makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? What do you think might be motivating your choice?
3. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?
4. What is your proudest accomplishment?
5. Is your heart for God growing or shrinking?
6. If you woke up tomorrow and had the life you have always dreamed of, what would be different? Are there any steps you can take to move towards the life you dream of?
7. Which people/relationships are the most life-giving to you? How can you make more of an effort to invest in these?

TAKE YOURSELF ON A DATE

Who are you outside of your past, work, marriage or whatever you might find yourself tempted to place your significance in?  Why not take yourself out on a date and begin to find out?  Pick something you love to do… hike, go to the beach, watch a movie, drink a fancy latte… The world is your oyster!  You can even bring a journal and write down the answers to some of the questions above.

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At thirteen, after being abandoned by my mother one summer and left to take care of my younger brother, I became susceptible to a relationship that turned out to be toxic, abusive, and ultimately exploitative. I eventually found myself working in a strip club at the age of nineteen, and my boyfriend became my pimp, controlling my every move and taking all of my money.

Scars and Stilettos is my stark, honest, and ultimately hopeful story of how God found me in that dark, noisy place, led me back out, and prompted me to help others who are trapped as I once was. I hope to expose the realities of the commercial sex industry and inspire hope that freedom and healing are possible for those involved.