I love sleep. Truly.

I have heard of success-driven people who have supposedly trained themselves to survive on less than 4-hours a night. That is not the life for me. I am a better human when I have had a solid 7.5 hours, which is why it was so important to me to get my babies sleeping through the night ASAP.

After reading a bazillion books and blogs and interrogating dozens of moms to learn their secrets, I created a “Sleep Training Cheat Sheet” that  I have been sharing with friends and family and anyone sporting a baby bump for the past eleven years since my daughter was born. Even though this is not my typical blog post, I decided to share this on the world wide web in case you know any new or expecting moms who are desperate for a good night’s sleep and don’t have time to read 15 books!

If you love them, please share!

SLEEP TRAINING CHEAT SHEET

By 9 weeks old my son, Luca (pictured in the featured image) was sleeping 9.5 hours straight, waking for a “dream feed” and then sleeping for another 3 hours. That makes me two for two on amazing sleepers! And while I completely recognize that every baby is different, I do believe that the sleep strategies below have certainly played a role in both of my children’s sleep training.

These are essentially cliff notes on some of the main sleep strategies that I have found work the best.

THE 5 S’s

The Happiest Baby on the Block was one of my favorite books on sleep training.  Essentially, the author proposes that human babies are born sooner than any other creature in terms of physical development. This is because of our brain size/head size.  If we were to stay in the womb any longer, our heads wouldn’t make it out the vaginal canal. He theorizes that physically, human babies would really benefit from 3 more months in the womb.  A fourth trimester.  And thus, the key to a happy, sleeping baby is to recreate the environment of the womb using what he calls the 5 S’s.  Whether or not his theory is correct, I will tell you that the 5 S’s have become the foundation of sleep training/baby soothing for me.   

     1. SWADDLE

Swaddling imitates the snug packaging inside the womb and is the cornerstone of calming. It decreases startling and increases sleep. Swaddled babies respond faster to the other 4 S’s and stay soothed longer because their arms can’t flail wildly.

FYI, babies shouldn’t be swaddled all day, just during fussing and sleep. Wrap arms snug – straight at the side – but let the hips be loose and flexed. Make sure your baby isn’t too hot and be sure not to cover your baby’s head or allow loose blankets.

If your baby struggles against the swaddle, just add the other S’s and within minutes they’ll be calm…and sleep better, too!

       Swaddle Tips: For newborns, I love the swaddleme pod.  For older babies, the Woombie Swaddle is my favorite.  With my daughter, I used aden & anais muslin blankets, but my son was a little Houdini and did better in the zip-up options. There are also velcro swaddles but they can snag your clothes. No bueno.

     2. SIDE OR STOMACH POSITION

The back is the only safe position for sleeping but it’s the worst position for calming fussiness. This “S” can be activated by putting a baby on her side, on her stomach or over your shoulder. You can also hold your baby in a side or stomach position while you rock them.

     3. SHUSH

Contrary to common myths, babies don’t need total silence to sleep. That’s why they’re so good at sleeping at noisy parties! In the womb, the sound of the blood flow makes a shush noise which is louder than a vacuum cleaner. This sound is familiar and calming.

But, not all white noise is created equal. Hissy fans and ocean sounds often fail because they lack the womb’s rumbly quality. The best way to imitate these magic sounds is with a white noise machine. I like this one because it is inexpensive and can run on batteries or through an outlet. Nowadays, they also have apps for this. (To calm crying – play it as loud as your baby; to promote sleep -play it as loud as a shower)

     4. SWING

Life in the womb is jiggly! Slow rocking is fine for keeping babies calm, but to soothe worked up and crying babies, the motion needs to be fast and tiny.

Make sure to always support the head/neck; keep your motions small (no more than 1 inch back and forth to protect their delicate brains).

     5. SUCK

Sucking is the icing on the cake of calming. Many fussy babies relax into a deep tranquility when they suck.

       Other great calming techniques that imitate the womb include, skin-to-skin contact; wearing your baby in a sling; warm baths; gentle massage.

Here is my happy baby boy, sleeping peacefully in the middle of a horribly noisy event. 

SCHEDULING

Baby Wise is a book that promotes parent-directed sleep scheduling. It tends to be pretty contorversial as it encourages the “cry it out” method.  Attachment style parenting does not agree with “cry it out” and argues that it interferes with secure attachment.

Honestly, I have wreslted with all of this myself.  With my daughter, I did a little bit of cry it out, but never felt great about it.  With my son, I decided not to do any cry it out and have employed all of the other strategies and he is a great sleeper. Here is why I did not do “cry it out” with him.

       Trust vs Mistrust: According to the psychologist Erik Erikson, we all go through several psychosocial stages throughout our lives.  The first one occurs during infancy and is known as Trust Vs Mistrust. In this stage, an infant is learning whether or not they can trust their caregivers to meet their needs.  When we let a baby cry it out, my concern is that we would teach them that they cannot rely on their caregivers to meet their needs.

       Attachment Theory: According to attachment theory, a person will form different patterns of attachment depending on how they experienced their early caregiving environment.  Attachement theory suggests that there are 4 attachment classifications: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment. In the presence of a sensitive and responsive caregiver, the infant will use the caregiver as a “safe base” from which to explore. The goal is to create a secure attachment between yourself and your child by being a responsive caregiver.

Like I said, I did a bit of cry it out with my daughter.  And I have known many incredible parents that have raised healthy, well-adjusted children and have used the “cry it out” method to get their kids to sleep.  We all have to figure out what feels good for us based on our unique circumstances and needs. If my son wasn’t sleeping through the night in a reasonable amount of time, I might be tempted to revisit the cry it out method! I just wanted to mention these concepts to consider as you are deciding what is right for you and your family.

What I will say about Baby Wise is, regardless of where you land on the topic above, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water! Haha!

I have found their general schedule based on age listed below to be incredibly helpful!

SAMPLE FEEDING SCHEDULE

(From Chapter 6 of Babywise)  

Weeks 1-4 (month 1)

• The first two weeks, it is recommended to feed on demand and not make any effort to schedule
• Eat every 2 ½ – 3 hours
• 8-10 feedings in 24 hours
• Sleeping no more than 5 hours at night (in order to maintain milk supply)

Weeks 5-8 (1-2 months)

• Eat every 2 ½ – 3 ½ hours
• 7-8 feedings (only once they are sleeping through the night…..7-8 hrs. at this age)
• Sleeping 7-8 hours at night by week 8

Weeks 9-15 (2-4 months)

• Eat every 3-4 hours
• 5-7 feedings between weeks 12-15

   *because between weeks 12-15 is when you drop the late night feeding

   and they go to bed earlier and sleep longer

• Sleeping 9-10 hours at night (closer to 9 if you a milk supply concern)

Weeks 16-24 (4-6 months)

• Eat every 3-4 hours
• 4-6 feedings
• 10-11 hours at night (continue to monitor your milk supply)

Weeks 24-52 (6-12 months)

• You will probably still nurse 4-6 times at the beginning of this phase, but eventually your baby will only be taking 2 naps (maybe 2 long and 1 catnap in the beginning) so you will then probably nurse  only 4 times…..upon waking, after the 1^st nap, after the 2^ndnap, and before bed.

*This is the time that you will start introducing solid foods alongside breastmilk. My loving, protective husband was very concerned about choking when our son starting eating regular food. We found this awesome video that helped us see the difference between gagging and choking and put us both at ease! 

NOTE: Time between feedings is calculated from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next.  It is important to make sure that the baby gets the FULL feeding each time.  This ensures that the baby gets the richer “hindmilk” at each feeding, which keeps them from getting hugry sooner.

*Remember every baby is different and these are general guidelines.  But, if your baby deviates drastically and consistently from this then you need to evaluate possible whys.   You know your baby…use that parental assessment!

SAMPLE SLEEP SCHEDULE

Newborn (0-2 months)

• Sleeping 16-20 hours in 24 hours…..in the form of 6-8 naps (depending on the number of feedings) and nighttime sleep.
• Naps are 1-2 hours long in a 2-3 hour cycle…..limit waketime to 45 mintues max. including feeding time

Two Months

• Naps are at least 1 ½ hours long…number of naps depends on # of feedings 

Three to Five months

• 3 naps, 1 ½ – 2 hours in length

Six to sixteen months

• at about 6 months, you will drop the later afternoon/ early evening nap leaving…..
• 2 naps, 1 ½ – 2 1/2 hours in length…..some will keep that 3^rd nap (as a “cat nap” for longer than 6 months)

 Beyond 16 months

• sometime between 16-20 months they will drop their 2^nd nap, leaving only 1 long nap (about 2-3 hours)

*Again, remember every baby is different and these are general guidelines.  But, if your baby deviates drastically and consistently from this then you need to evaluate possible whys.  You know your baby…use that parental assessment!

SUPER HELPFUL TIPS

     1. EAT. WAKE. SLEEP.

Many parents use the bottle or the breast to get a baby to sleep. Baby Wise suggests using the Eat. Wake. Sleep. pattern in order to encourage children to not become dependent on a feeding to fall asleep. So that means that throuhout the day, you feed the baby as soon as they wake up, allow them wake time, then put them to sleep without feeding them.  The only exceptions to this would be when you do a feeding right before their “big sleep” at night and dream feeding in the middle of the night.

     2. SLEEP BEGETS SLEEP

Some people think that if they keep their baby up more during the day, they will sleep more later.  Unfortunately, this is not true.  Sleep begets sleep.  The more a baby sleeps, the more they will sleep.  And, in general, it is not necessary to wake a baby from a nap so they will sleep more later. When babies are over-tired, they go into a state of hightened alertness and anxiety that makes it more difficult for them to fall asleep.

The first couple of months, babies won’t really spend more than 45 minutes of awake time at a time. At the first sign that my babies were tired (usually after 2 yawns) I swaddled them back up and put them in the place they were going to have their nap. When I did this, I made sure they were sleepy, but happy. They would often even lay there for a bit before they fell asleep. I would leave them alone during this time.

Sometimes people thought I was seriously crazy with how quick I was to put my babies back down for a nap. I can’t count the number of people who have said, “What?! Another nap!? They just woke up!” But I am telling you, sleep begets sleep.  And when a babysitter or relative deviated from this, I ended up with a cranky baby.

The other cool thing about this is that when they are awake, they are super alert and engaged because they aren’t tired.

The key is to put them down when they are sleepy, not sleeping as often as you can.  This helps them learn to self-soothe and have a positive experience with the place they are going to sleep. If they starts to fuss, pick them up before they escalate, soothe them and try to put them back down before they are in a deep sleep so that they can experience falling asleep on their own.  This is called the “Pick Up, Put Down” techinique.  If you do decide to let them cry it out at some point, you might want to consider using it along with “pick up, put down” so they don’t get too escalated.

     3. HAPPY NAPS

Once your baby wakes up from their nap, try to get to them before they get frustrated and start crying so that their wake up experience can be happy and peaceful too.  Again, we want them to associate their sleeping place as a positive, peaceful place.

     4. WAKING BABY FROM NAPS

In the early weeks, I did wake the baby up from their nap when they had slept through to the point when it is the recommended time for the next feeding during the day according to the Baby Wise schedule.  I did this to keep my milk supply up and to promote the “long sleep” happening at night.  In general, otherwise, it is good to let them sleep as long as possible. 

     5. TYPES OF CRIES

Did you know that babies have different cries that mean different things? I didn’t until I saw this video! After seeing this, I realized that sometimes my son woke up just because he had to poop or fart, or wanted his pacifier.  Instead of picking him up, I would give him his pacifier and give him a gentle rock in his basinett.  He would go right back to sleep! However, if that didn’t put him back to sleep and I started to hear him make a “Neh” sound indicating hunger, I would feed him.

     6. CLUSTER FEEDING

Especially if your baby is doing a big sleep during the night, they might want to do a bunch of cluster feeding in the evening, right before.  Sometimes my son ate every hour before his big sleep. Especially because milk can tend to be lower in the evenings.

     7. FRIVALOUS BUT SPLENDID

The DocATot is a friavlous, yet absolutely splendid sleep aparatus that my son LOVED! It is portable and also fits inside most bassinets to safely create a dreamy, snug sleeping space.

This is so important I need to say it again… every baby is different.  Things like personality, growth spurts, teething, and gas can all play a role. But hopefully some of this helps you get a better night’s sleep!

Love, Harmony

PS. Please feel free to share sleep training tips in the comments! I am sure other moms would love to hear from you! 

*Thanks to the brilliance of the Amazon Associates program, when you use links in this blog to purchase items on Amazon, a portion of the proceeds will support the work of Treasures!