Facing the Pain

We can’t fix what we don’t face. 

I spent years hiding from the pain that sexual abuse and rape brought to my life.  Because I didn’t deal with the pain, the pain had a way of dealing with me. It manifested in extraordinarily low self-esteem and made me vulnerable to dysfunctional relationships.  Eventually, as my life unraveled, I found myself working in a strip club under the control of my abusive boyfriend/pimp.

Thanks to a friend who showed me God’s unconditional love until I was compelled to experience it for myself, I fell in love with Jesus.  I discovered the truths that I am loved, valued, and purposed. The more they took root in my heart, the more difficult it became to live in a way that contradicted them.

Empowered by these revelations, I walked away from stripping and the abusive relationship.  Still, I didn’t know if there was a place in my newfound faith for all of my pain. The people at church always seemed so happy.  Surely, none of them had pasts like mine, I mistakenly thought.

One day, a friend divulged that she had been sexually abused. She was looking for a confidant but I found myself frozen and stiff, terrified of the memories that surfaced as she shared.  Sexual abuse had been a taunting “giant” in my life, leaving me paralyzed with fear.

I have learned that we cannot overcome what we do not face.

Jeremiah 6:14 says it another way, “You cannot heal a wound by saying it’s not there.”

Often, our misdirected efforts to cope with pain lead us into deeper places of despair. Attempts to escape pain can create unhealthy patterns such as overeating, alcohol or drug dependency, eating disorders, self-harm or even binging on Netflix in an attempt to avoid reality.

After listening to my friend’s story, I began a journey of facing my pain and exploring the impact abuse had on the trajectory of my life.

As I confronted my pain, I identified with the story of the Israelites in 1Samuel 17. Like me, they were faced with a taunting giant and found themselves paralyzed with fear. Through the example of David, a young shepherd whose extraordinary faith in a faithful God gave him the courage to face the giant, I gained the courage to face the giants in my life. Like David, with God on my side, I overcame them.

We must face our pain to overcome it.  With God, it is possible.

My story did not end with the pain. In 2003, while pursuing a Master’s in Social Welfare from UCLA, I founded Treasures, an outreach and support group for women in the sex industry and victims of sex trafficking with a Global impact. I have a beautiful daughter who fills my life with laughter, and I’m married to an AMAZING man who supports the call of God on my life.

Your story is not over!  I am not saying it will be easy.  I am saying it will be worth it.  And YOU are worth it!

GETTING PAST YOUR PAST

This blog was Day 1 of my FREE, 7-day devotional…

We’ve been called to a life of freedom, yet are often held back by the pain of our past. I know this because I have had a lot of “past” to overcome—from sexual abuse and rape, to working as a stripper under the control of my boyfriend/pimp. The healing journey isn’t always easy, but it is worth it. YOU are worth it! Join me in getting past your past by downloading this FREE guide.

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At thirteen, after being abandoned by my mother one summer and left to take care of my younger brother, I became susceptible to a relationship that turned out to be toxic, abusive, and ultimately exploitative. I eventually found myself working in a strip club at the age of nineteen, and my boyfriend became my pimp, controlling my every move and taking all of my money.

Scars and Stilettos is my stark, honest, and ultimately hopeful story of how God found me in that dark, noisy place, led me back out, and prompted me to help others who are trapped as I once was. I hope to expose the realities of the commercial sex industry and inspire hope that freedom and healing are possible for those involved.