5 Ways to Cope When You Are Triggered

I knew “triggered” had become a buzzword when I overheard a group of elementary school students exclaim that they were triggered by a video of squishy slime. Broadly, a trigger is something that impacts your emotional state. As it relates to trauma, a trigger is far more serious than a reaction to slime videos on YouTube. It is something that causes you to feel like you are experiencing the trauma all over again.

As a trauma survivor, I can tell you that this is a very real thing. There was a time when something as simple as a man stepping into an elevator would send me into a panic and have me reeling with awful, intrusive thoughts of being attacked. It didn’t matter that I had never been attacked in an elevator, the experience of being alone with a man was all the trigger I needed.

Even to this day, I am deeply aware of the way I can be triggered by secondary trauma. Watching or listening to stories of trauma triggers my automatic tendency to disconnect from my body and feelings (also known as dissociation). I have to be very intentional to remain emotionally present in these situations.

WE DON’T HAVE TO LET TRIGGERS RUN OUR LIVES

Developing triggers can be a normal reaction to trauma, but we don’t have to let them run our lives. We can manage them, learn from them, and eventually heal from them. I have discovered this to be true…

Avoiding your triggers isn’t healing. Healing happens when you’re triggered and you’re able to move through the pain, the pattern, and the story and walk your way to a different ending. ~Vienna Pharoan

So how do we move through the pain, the pattern and the story and walk our way to a different ending? Here is what has helped me…

5 WAYS TO COPE WITH TRIGGERS

1. GET GROUNDED

When you find yourself entering the throes of a heightened emotional state, you can use grounding techniques to bring you back to a calmer state.

Grounding is widely recognized as one of the most helpful ways of coping with trauma and anxiety. In fact, Navy seals are trained in the breathing technique below in order to stay calm in high-stress situations.

Navy Seal Breathing
     Inhale for 4 seconds. Hold 4. Exhale 4. Repeat.

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
     • Sit comfortably. Breathe Deeply
     • Name: 5 things you can see. 4 things you can feel. 3 things you     can hear.  2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste

Breath Prayer
     A breath prayer is an ancient practice where you pray with the rhythm of your breath. I have found it to be incredibly grounding. To practice breath prayer…
          • If you are able, get still and open your heart to the presence of God.
          • Imagine that God is asking you, “What do you need?”
          • Once you know the answer, turn it into a simple breath prayer, calling on God to meet you in your place of need. For example, you may find yourself praying one of the following:
               • God, be with me.
               • Lord, help me.
               • Jesus, give me peace.

2. REALITY CHECK
For me, grounding also includes reorienting myself to reality. For example, as a survivor of domestic violence, I can easily become triggered during conflicts with my husband. When our conversations begin to feel intense and I sense that I am emotionally escalating (or dissociating, for that matter), I ground myself back to reality by reminding myself that I am married to a safe person who would never hurt me.

There is a difference between a trigger and a red flag….

It is worth mentioning that there is a difference between a trigger and a red flag. A trigger reminds you of previous trauma. A red flag is an indicator that the person you are currently engaging with is unsafe or abusive. Red flags include things such as manipulation, name-calling, disregarding or violating boundaries, controlling behavior, inability to control temper, threats, intimidation, physical aggression/abuse and destroying property to name a few. If you are experiencing any of these signs, I encourage you to leave the relationship when it is safe to do so and seek help immediately if need be. Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

3. OWN IT
Our triggers, and our actions when triggered for that matter, are ours to own. Being triggered might explain some of our behaviors and responses, but we can’t use it like a “get out of jail free card.” We are still responsible for our actions and reactions, even when we are triggered.

In some cases, you may find it helpful to share with the people around you when you are feeling triggered. Perhaps there are minor adjustments that they can make to help you navigate what is happening. However, when we are triggered, ultimately, the onus for managing our emotional response is on us.

For example, my husband knows that marital conflict, in general, is incredibly triggering to me. As an Italian man who is prone to emphatic hand gestures, even when talking about something as simple as his favorite ice cream, he tends to communicate quite passionately. However, in conflict, he does his best to be aware of his tone and body language, knowing that these things heighten my triggered state. It is fair for me to ask him to consider this when talking to me, but it would not be fair for me to expect him to never bring up any topic of contention, simply because all marital conflict is triggering to me.

4. GET CURIOUS
Let your triggered state spark your curiosity. You can ask yourself questions like the following to help you understand your reaction to the trigger. Sometimes, personal reflection and journaling will do the trick. But if the questions themselves are triggering to you, you may want to enlist the help of a good therapist to help you process.

     • What is triggering me right now?
Is it an internal trigger, such as a memory, or feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiety, anger, fear, vulnerability or feeling out of control? Or is it an external trigger, such as a smell, a location, a date/anniversary, a reminder of trauma, witnessing trauma, an argument, or a loss.

     • What is the story I am telling myself?
Sometimes, we get triggered because we tell ourselves a story about another person’s intentions, motives or actions.

     • Where is this response coming from?
Is there a painful or traumatic experience from your past that caused you to feel like this before?

For example, when I first began leading Treasures, I found myself feeling a deep sense of pain whenever a key leader would transition off of the team. I also noticed a desire to cut them off immediately and completely, as soon as they said they were leaving. As I began to explore my reaction, I discovered there was something much deeper happening for me. I experienced something that was a simple transition for them as abandonment and personal rejection. Each time someone moved or had a baby and moved on from Treasures, experiences of abandonment as a child resurfaced, causing me to relive those old traumas.

Recognizing this helped me reorient myself to the reality that I was not being abandoned or rejected. Over the years, I have learned to embrace the fact that change is a normal part of life and the nature of some relationships is seasonal. Getting curious about my triggers helped me to do this.

5. GET THE HELP YOU NEED
If you are finding yourself triggered often and having difficulty coping, or if you believe your triggers have become problematic, I encourage you to get the help and support you need in order to help you cope and heal. The SAMHSA Hotline 1-800-487-4889 can help you find resources in your area. If you are a survivor of the commercial sex industry, exploitation or trafficking, you can connect with Treasures here.

YOU are worth it!